I am an ACOA: Adult Children of Alcoholics
I wear the label of being an ACOA on my sleeve, because it has helped me become the person I am today. It wasn’t until five years ago that I was faced with the reality of realizing I needed to face my own issues and fears. Before that I did not know who I was as a person and I had no interest in figuring it out. I acted out and just replied with “I don’t know why I just acted or behaved that way. It’s just who I am” when confronted. I really didn’t know that answer. I just went with it, because well, I was emotionally lazy. I dealt with a lot in my life and decided to just stay still and stagnant. It was a lot easier that way for me and for everyone. I grew up knowing that talking about the issues that were created was frowned upon. For me, it started as a young child.
It doesn’t take much dysfunctionality within a household to create bad habits. As a child, I grew up in a loving home. Blessed with many kisses, hugs, and stability. I always had a roof over my head, food on the table, and clothes on my back. We didn’t struggle financially, and we seemed like a family who had it together, but that’s far from the truth. At the age of nine, I started to realize that things were not always stable, and the family atmosphere began to turn from loving to walking on eggshells. The elephant was in the room, but nobody wanted to deal with it. The confusion of emotions began at a young age, but since I grew up with it, I didn’t know any better, but I struggled. And with that, I did not understand how much my environment was impacting my mental health.
The dysfunctional catastrophes that I have experienced in my life have shaped me into the person I am today. I continue to learn how to live with the negative ties that haunt me when dealing with life in general. Some of the negative ties include anxiety, depression, negative outlook and attitude, having low self-esteem, judging myself and others, and trying to control all the little things. And of course some are worse than others. For the longest time, I let these emotional balls of fire get the best of me and they controlled how I reacted to my environment and the people around me. I struggle with some of these things still and I think I always will, but I don’t let them get the best of me. I have control over my own actions and how I react to situations. I am aware of the things that I need to work on, which is a great place to start.
If you are struggling but don’t know what with or how to find it, start by being honest with yourself and dive deep into your past. The smallest dysfunction or event in your life, can change everything. It can change your outlook, attitude, patterns, and behavior. Examine the changes and acknowledge your own flaws. Reflect on them and admit when things are not right. As an adult child of alcoholics, I wanted to blame everything on everyone else, and never wanted to admit to my family’s dysfunction or my own behavior. It was hard to believe at first, but deep down, I knew. Knowing what I know now by seeking help through counseling and resources, I had no control over what happened as a child, and today, I am in control of myself and my actions. Acceptance, knowledge and most importantly the truth, has set me free of the heavy burden that had been weighing on my shoulders for so long.
Now tell me, what will you do to overcome your own personal obstacles?
