Ever wonder why people react in the same destructive way?
All it takes is 15 seconds for something to be said the wrong way in the wrong tone of voice and you are triggered. Before you know it, the reaction from the emotional trigger is defensive and blaming everything else around it, because it is easier to blame something or someone else instead of getting to the root of the cause, and taking responsibility of the initial reaction.
Many of us have areas in our lives that are hard to cope with so we get emotional and struggle to be rational. In order to be conscious of our triggers, we need to know what a trigger is. A certain person, word, opinion, sound, smell, or situation can cause triggers. Triggers can be brought up by any of the five senses: sight, smell, hear, touch, taste. Triggers can be brought on by old painful memories or situations in the past or during childhood that may not have been understood or properly dealt with at the time.
We carry emotional triggers from childhood into adulthood. We tend to protect what we know and how we have dealt. The triggers can feel like a personal attack and it can challenge what we believe in, our values, and experiences. When something or someone triggers us, we do not always deal with it in a healthy manner. Most of the time we don’t realize we are being triggered, so identifying triggers by assessing the message our body is sending is important to our physical and emotion well-being. By doing this, it teaches us to respect the signs, acknowledge our degree of care, and allows us to forgive ourselves. Three ways to minimize emotional triggers is to:
Recognize your body’s reactions and thoughts
Identify what or who set off the trigger
Determine how to act during the trigger
Recognizing your body’s reactions and thoughts is not easy in the heat of the moment, but with practice, it is achievable. Having a pen and paper in close range can help with the process. A trigger can be physical and emotional. Our bodies react or act to many different triggers, but here are just a few:
Physical triggers:
Clenched fist
Furrowed eyebrows
Trembling
Red or hot face
Emotional triggers:
Rapid heartbeat
Accelerated breathing
Sweating profusely
Emotional triggers can take over in the matter of seconds. The affect can linger for hours; maybe days. I would like to share some of my own emotional and physical triggers through my own experiences: I am in the passenger seat of a vehicle. I am in a good mood and cheerful. From my point of view, the vehicle slowly creeps towards the centerline in the road. My eyes get a little larger and I start to feel anxious about the driver’s control. My heart races just enough to give me unpleasant jitters. I start to feel clammy. The feelings of being anxious and scared quickly turns into anger as I make a comment in a stern tone to keep the vehicle on the road.
Another trigger for me is the smell of alcohol on breath or the sight of certain facial movements such as droopy eyelids, bloodshot eyes with a dazed look from someone who is intoxicated. The feeling of disgust creates a psychologically confined space as I feel trapped within the prison bars of uncomfortable and anxious feelings. I quickly start sweating. My hands and feet instantly turn cold and I feel on edge. It is an uncomfortable feeling to say the least and it leaves me in a state of irritability.
I used to think these triggers were feelings, because it is just the way I am, but that is untrue. These feelings stem from things that gave me a reason to feel that way. The nervousness of watching the vehicle get too close to the boundary lines is due to being in the vehicle with someone who was intoxicated. I was a young child who made a plan to grab the wheel if the driver could not keep the stirring wheel straight. The second trigger is from growing up with people who loved to drink regardless of the problems it created or the people it affected. Let’s stop ignoring that damn elephant. It follow us everywhere!
You don’t get to choose what happens to you, but you can change the way it affects you.
After the burst of feelings that explode in my body, it is hard to get them to settle down. Although my triggers create strong feelings with a flick of a switch, it is not as easy to turn them off. The next step is identifying the reasons for the triggers and being mindful of my state. I need to make certain measures that protects my physical and emotional well-being so that I am not a complete jerk to the people closest to me.
The following are a few ways to determine how to act during a trigger:
Take a moment to breathe
Give yourself time to process the feelings and emotions
Write down what your body is telling you, how you feel, and what you think caused the trigger
This part takes a lot of intentionality and practice. After a few triggers, you will be able to see a pattern and become aware of the behavior.
Now that I am aware that I have triggers, I need to identify them. If you are anything like me, the reactions to triggers sends you in a spiral that feels like there is no way out for hours and it affects not only you, but everyone around you. It is important to share and communicate the experience, so that everyone in the family and others closest to you understand when you have been triggered.
Be aware. Be intentional. Be Responsible.
So tell me, what are your triggers?
